Title
Daring Jon Stewart, host of The Daily Show, to come to Philadelphia and film a week of shows to prove how wrong he was in his May 20th tirade against Philadelphia, our people, our prized Philadelphia Phillies manager Ryne Sandberg, our affinity for running up museum stairs and calling it exercise and our world class cuisine; his multiple rants against our City have finally gone too far.
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WHEREAS, Jon Stewart's May 20th tirade against Philadelphia accuses us of being idiots, obese, having terrible taste in food, slanderers, and a series of other expletives not safe for children; and
WHEREAS, Stewart was set off because Philadelphia Phillies Manager Ryne Sandberg claims to have gotten food poisoning at a Shake Shack near Citi Field in Queens; and
WHEREAS, Using Sandberg's stomach troubles as a rudimentary segue that a 3rd grade drama student could have thought up, Stewart catapulted into a full scale attack on our people, our reputation for being physically fit, our City, our character and cheesesteak-eating way of life; and
WHEREAS, Stewart has apparently never been to Philadelphia, where a decade of development has transformed our dining and nightlife scenes into an abundant array of world class options that aren't overrun with overpaid Wall Street j@#%offs and where you won't need to sell your first born child to get a table; and
WHEREAS, While New York City has many wonderful sights and sounds, you simply cannot beat Philadelphia for the most passionate sports fans, more acres of parks and public murals than anywhere else in the country, a shockingly affordable cost of living, lack of crowded streets and more American history than you can shake a stick at; and
WHEREAS, Jon Stewart should check himself when starts trash talking Philadelphia; last time we checked the Mets haven't won the World Series in nearly thirty years; and
RESOLVED, BY THE COUNCIL OF THE CITY OF PHILADELPHIA, That Council dares Jon Stewart to film a week of episodes of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart here in Philadelphia so we can prove just how wrong he is; now, therefore, be it
FURTHER RESOLVED, That an Engrossed copy of this resolution be presented to Jon Stewart wrapped in either a cheesesteak or cannoli as evidence of the sincere sentiments of this legislative body.
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